so tired
of saying sorry and apologizing when I don’t do anything wrong. It sucks and hurts and I feel so pathetic and low. Anyone I am with just makes me feel like a pathetic loser. I feel so whipped. It’s the worst feeling. I have to be a pathetic loser. Why do I always like the other person more. Why can’t it just be a mutual obsession. It doesn’t work when someone is more into the relationship than the other one. It needs to be equal. The power needs to be equal. One day…
Start of my senior year!
Can not believe this is my last year at RIT. It is going to be so sad,exciting and nervous to graduate. I remember freshman year like it was yesterday. I am going to miss my friends and life up here. I know me and katie will come back to visit but it wont be the same. I really hope I get into graduate school or else idk what I am going to do. Ill have to get a job and then re apply next year, which would suck. I hope I can move back closer to home. I have learned so much during these years at rit and im sure I will learn more this year. Rit was definitely the best and right choice for me.
So I have
An amazing boyfriend who makes me so happy and treats me right…happiest I’ve been in a long time
Im moving on
And it feels great…I finally realized that I deserve better and can find someone who will treat me the way I deserve to be treated…I can’t hold on to you any longer especially since we will never be…opening the door to a much better tomorrow
It was hard
Not saying I love you when I left..I thought of it kinda mentally said it to him..but just didn’t say the words out loud..its a step..but he knows I do love him anyway so idk how big of a step this is
So
My phone deleted all my txt messages but oddly it was just your text messages…even the locked messages…I was upset at first I had txt messages that were almost a year old saved and messages that contained such nice sweet messages..but they are gone now and its for the best definitely a sign/ message that I need and have to move on
Im not…
Wearing the ring he bought me… Sleeping with the bear he gave me… Txting him everyday just to ask how his day is… Even caring about how his day is… Saying I miss you to him… and especially never again saying I love you to him…I love him and he knows it and he will have a special place in my heart but I need to move on and the words I love you aren’t helping anyway im pretty sure im always the one to say it first…im fine with messing around when we see eachother which isn’t even that much but I need to drop these feelings cause we will never be together again and that’s a fact…so I am not saying I love you to him in order to help me move on…because I need to be not in love with him anymore..I need to start loving myself again this way I can let a new person eventually
=)
The next few days are going to be amazing! Staying overnight in the city tonight and tomorrow =) ah im so excited..and it will help keep my mind off of what tomorrow is which is great..tomorrows date is the last thing I want to think about so being in the city will help me…and its definitely going to be a lot of fun with an amazing person! Im nervous but its an exciting feeling…details soon for sure!
